Long story short. I move here. I have old friends. My old friends know a very cool very pretty chick that lives here. We finally meet. She introduces me to her book club. Her book club kicks her out. The End.
Okay, they haven't kicked her out yet but I bet they're still at the restaurant discussing it.
In all seriousness I was privileged to meet a really cool group of women tonight. Smart, savvy and successful. Very pretty and well accessorized. Remember that game from Sesame Street? That game where one of these things is not like the other? That was me. The Other.
Totally the fat turd in the punchbowl, me.
In my infinite wisdom I decided to limit myself to three martinis, lest I start "being myself". I think I did alright. I didn't drop an F-bomb, I actually read the book and besides making my napkin into a sort of origami penis, I think I pretty much behaved.
This IS my best self, folks. You know I have no filter. I left out my usual conversation starters like how do you best itch your crack in public and general opinions on buttsex. Winning!
Johnny may have a different opinion though. I know he thought I was kidding about the napkin penis. He could tell by my triumphant face that I was not. He just kind of shrugged and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You're making some serious progress, honey".
Well, then. Maybe there's a reason my last book club met in a maximum security prison. Ahem.
4 comments:
Oh Jen you didn't........
Have we taught you nothing about being in public alone!!
You and I would totally be friends!
Yes dear 'Girl, Corrupted' attendees, this is my baby sister whom I dearly love and adore. Some have at times thought she was a 'bit' unconventional and maybe had a somewhat trashy mouth, NOT! She is adventurous, conniving, imaginative,beautiful (on her really good days!)loves to talk about turds, sex (all kinds!) farting during sex, and the list goes on. Alas, she is my sister, and I love EVERYTHING about her, but folks visiting the blog site should definitely not be faint of heart, prudish, squeamish, or haughty.... I think she probably SHOULD post a sign on the home page...."ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!"
Lord I love you Sis!!
It's obvious from the above comment that I'm clearly not the only hard drinker in this family. Thanks Rog!
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